The Start…
Think back to children’s books you’ve read and movies you’ve watched, apart from the child “appropriate” stories they tell they have something in common. Can you think what it is? Hint…look below.
THE END was what we were left with as children, the last image imprinted into our minds.
Recently I have struggled with “The End”, a fair few months grappling alone with things that are coming to their closing curtain type moment, the finale. I’ve sobbed in bed quietly so no one would hear me, cried in the car when I’m driving to work alone and of course the old classic, shed many tears under the shower so no one would hear.
Why the struggle you ask, let me make it as clear as mud…
First born finishing school (year 12) - My mind says “ This is the end of keeping him as safe as possible and being in charge of important life decisions.
First born preparing to get his drivers licence - My mind says “ This is the end of really keeping him safe under my wing and him needing me”
Second born moving high schools - My mind says “This is the end of her feeling settled in and happy with friends that she trusts”
Moving into a new home 42km’s from where I grew up - My mind says “This is the end of making memories in an area I love and feel safe in and being close to friends and professionals (doctors, dentists etc) I trust”
My parents selling our family home - My mind says “This is the end of having somewhere cosy and safe to go back to and continue making good memories”
My parents buying a home 77km’s away from me - My mind says “This is the end of me being able to be there for them in a heart beat when they need me”
I see a pattern, can you? Safety and control, that is what I see. When I don’t feel in control I feel unsafe and vulnerable. There was a time as a child that I felt this way and the remnants of that experience are now showing up. That day was in 1987 when I left my home land of Brazil to make my way to my new home in Australia. As a young girl I had no control of the situation and what it would bring and that made me feel unsafe and vulnerable.
I experienced sadness at the thought of not having choice or control over the fact I was leaving behind the majority of my extended family, many who helped raise me.
I felt unsafe and vulnerable arriving at a new country where I knew no one and didn’t know the language to be able to express what I was feeling or understand those around me.
So, what I listed above in those bullet points took me back to little me in 1987…scared and vulnerable. Will I loose those I love again to distance? Will I be the subject of laughter and bullying in my new suburb? Will I feel unsafe when I’m home alone and the children are at their dads and my fiancé is out of the country? Vulnerable and unsafe, feelings triggered by memories based on these “The End” moments currently at my doorstep.
Now imagine if we grew up seeing this…
Imagine these were the words we were left with as children. Left with something that feels like a positive, instead of the feelings that come with “The End”. This would condition us to expect the next phase, something new…THE START!
It is never THE END, it is always THE START, think about it…
An example is that as adults we have all focused on “The End” of a relationship and suffered immensely for it, what if we focused on “The Start” instead? Generally (not always) most of us spend countless hours focusing on what was and only allocate a little moment or two to look at right NOW and enjoy “The Start” of what is in that moment. At the end of the day right now is all we have.
We do something similar when we loose a loved one. When it happens, and it will, we need the time to process and mourn, it is not only natural but in my opinion necessary and healthy. Celebrating what we created with our loved one and what we learned by living with them would help us shift “The End” to “The Start”. As painful as a loss is, we were blessed to have that person in our lives for a period of time, I for one would much rather have a minute with a loved one than no time at all. When we pass our time on this planet in our physical form may have ceased but, there is never an end to our spirit. And remember, that is simply how I see things, you don’t need to agree!
By waking up to “The Start” is how I have managed to move forward with all of those bullet points above, here is how I have shifted them to bring me and those around me peace and happiness…
First born finishing school (year 12) - The start of a new and epic phase of his life as he enters into the world as and adult, a phase I get to be part of!
First born preparing to get his drivers licence - The start of freedom! Both for him and me haha He gets to explore his freedom and I don’t need to be taxi mum so much!
Second born moving high schools - The start of seeing her blossom into a strong and happy young girl as she makes new friends who I get to meet!
Moving into a new home 42km’s from where I grew up - I get to make a new house a home! Getting to make brand new memories with my kids and fiancé makes my heart excited.
My parents selling our family home - I will have a place at the beach I can go spend the weekend at with some of the most important people in my world.
My parents buying a home 77km’s away from me - My parents are healthy and happy and, I have a car that can get me to them no matter where they are!
The sun sets and comes up everyday doesn’t it? Even if it sits behind clouds it is there, that is all the proof we need that nothing is final, it is always THE START.
With Kindness,
