Water Crackers…
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Todays blog is a combination of occurrences from three different days which came together to teach me a lesson, a hard lesson but a lesson non the lesson. Once you get to the end you will understand why I am calling it a lesson. A lesson who’s occurrences isn’t the easiest for me to share publicly but, one that I will because it can end up being as much of a lesson for you as it was for me…who knows.
*The following was written by hand in my journal on the 9th of April 2023.
It’s Easter Sunday and I am sitting at Montmarte By The Sea cafe at the Gold Coast. My table number is 60, I’m holding a hot cup of black coffee as the sun hits my chest directly. I can see the ocean, the reflection of the sun on the water feel it’s warm rays on my skin.
I got up early today to watch the sun rise and film it for my YouTube Echoez channel called My Bits. Publishing the sunrise on MyBits as a gift to those who for whatever reason don’t get to see it in person. My gift to someone, anyone who needs or doesn’t know they need to see it.
My lower belly is “not happy” at the moment. My gut (no pun intended) feeling is that this belly pain is discord from having to scrape money from one account to the other to be able to buy this very cup of coffee. The cup of coffee I am having would have gone great with a piece of gluten free banana bread or scrambled eggs. I am hungry but, the coffee is what I could “scrape” for. I’ll eat at home, I’m fortunate I can do that but I want more, I want to eat here right now. Does that sound ungrateful? I’m entitltled to want more, yes I am.
Walking into a shop to buy an ear ring or a top is out of the question, not possible right this minute. I want it to be possible, I want to have the choice to have it or not, just the choice. The ability to gift myself and others, I want it. No “scraping” dollars to do it, just doing it without having to check my account first, I just want it. I want and I deserve.
The discord in my belly, I want it gone. 17.5% public holiday surcharge made me re-consider this coffee, think twice. I don’t want to think twice, I want the choice. I want ease. I am not even 100% present, enjoying the coffee, I am thinking what I can’t buy later because of this $5.50 cup of coffee. My hands are sweating and my belly hurts.
Below is a picture I took a few moments before I began writting the above.
*The following was written by hand in my journal on the following day on the10th of April 2023.
New day! The sunrise post I made on MyBits channel yesterday (9th of April 2023) reminded me of that lol My OWN post! Here I am posting a specific message on THE day I felt so yuck and so defeated. I stopped writing yesterday as I felt so sick sitting there drinking my coffee, that small $5.50 long black is what triggered me. Having to scrape my money together to have it sickened me so much so that I got in the car to go home but had to stop to use a public toilet, that’s how bad the lower belly pain was, that’s how sick I made myself. Anyway, after the pain passed the day continued.
Water Crackers…the gluten free type that are paper thin is the only thing I could buy at the shops to tie me over until lunch time. Lunch time ended up being a banana at about 3:30pm. Why am I sharing this, well…
If you saw me pulling up in my little Mazda 3 with my beach bag in one hand and iPhone in the other you would NEVER imagine the turmoil inside due to the state of my bank account. If you saw me on the beach laying on my sarong wearing my colourful bikini you would think I was eating crackers while sipping on water to watch my figure BUT, that’s FAR from the truth. In that exact moment I craved to sit at the bar near by to have a cold cider with something yummy but I didn’t, I couldn’t.
Yes I KNOW, at least I had the water and crackers, that’s more than many people have, I get that and I see it BUT…I’m sharing MY story, that I can do right? I can without feeling ungrateful right?
But today, the 10th of April 2023 is a new day, that I know and I feel much better for it, the reminder I filmed for others ended up being a reminder I was unknowingly filming for myself and, it grounded me and knocked me out of my pitty party.
So I’m going to end todays entry here so that I can move forward focusing on what’s in front of me and not what’s behind me which I can’t change. If I was graciously given this day I am going to grab it with both cracker filled hands and live it!
I am NOT my financial situation, i am SO much more than that. Before I go I would like to remind myself and you to watch your thoughts, not just the ones you have for yourself but also the ones you have towards others. Sometimes thoughts transpire into words so before I, before we, make an assumption or judge someone by what we SEE let’s pause…breath deeply…and remember to proceed with kindness because unless we are in it, we NEVER truly know the why of the “Water Crackers”.
That right there was the end of this post BUT, I couldn’t leave it there, I HAD to…wanted to finish that cup of black coffee I never got to finish because of the discord in my belly that I’m sure I brought on my self. So today, 13 days later on the 22nd of April I went back to the Montmarte By The Sea cafe and had a FULL cup of black coffee um um ummm it was good!
81 was my table number this time around and the message was loud and clear… “Close Your Eyes, Open Your Mind, Enjoy”.
With Kindness,
