Breaking Up…
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I've only started writing this and already I have butterflies, I think this topic makes me a little nervous lol
We go through life starting and ending things, it's inevitable really. From ending the "nappy phase" and starting the "big girl/boy pants phase" (what an example lol), from ending the "school only phase" to entering the "work force phase"...you get the drift. Amongst most of these phases of our lives is the start and end of various relationships themselves.
Take a moment to look back at the amount of people that have crossed your path from teachers, school friends, bosses, work colleagues, sporting team mates, medical practitioners, boyfriends/girlfriends and even pets. You won't remember everyone and, you will probably not recall as to when certain people entered and exited your life but, you WILL remember certain people and situations due to the immense happiness or pain that it/they brought you at that time...it's just the way life goes (cue Janet Jackson haha)
I can guarantee that like me, you have (or will) started or ended a relationship at some point. Might have been a job, friendship or even a romantic relationship, either way, when you care about others it is never easy to end it...whatever it may be. There is one relationship though that many people don't talk about openly. It's a relationship that starts and ends more than any other. Ending this particular relationship hurts like hell...it’s my experience ending this relationship that I want to share today, the one that broke me into a million pieces and yet it’s the one that I will fight for until my last breath.
Breaking up...with ME. I've done this consciously on one occasion and, it was the hardest yet most rewarding time of my life. I didn’t give up on me, never! I simply had enough and needed to break up in order “evolve-up”.
I'll admit that it's a tad weird breaking up with oneself lol but, I think that it's important to do so when despite your effort's things are not working. If we "break up" with jobs, friends, sporting teams and partners then why not break up from ourselves? I know that we cannot physically walk away from ourselves but, we can put a permanent end to something or something’s that are not working which is what I did between the ages of 29 to about 33.
Yes, my break up with myself took about 5 years…that's 5 longgg years! Why so long? Because at times I was impatient so, I'd "go back" to myself only to realise I hadn’t changed. I'd then have to start the break up all over again. You might read that and think that it sounds exactly what some people do in relationships with others, that's because it is! People go back hoping the situation has changed (even when they don't see change) only to be faced with the same issues...that was me with me! lol I kept on giving myself another chance when clearly, I shouldn't have but…I was learning.
These 5 years of navigating my breakup took me to the lowest of lows and highest of highs. I found out things I didn't expect to find out about myself, some of those things were hard to swallow and took time to work through. I also discovered surprising and beautiful things that I would never have uncovered had I not broken up with myself. The break up was ruthless but in the end, it opened the space for a whole new relationship to flourish, a relationship that would not stand a chance had I not had the strength to let go of the me I was holding on to.
If you haven't broken up with yourself before, take the time to sit still and ponder if it's something you need to do. This is a breakup that will lead you back to the person you're breaking up from only this time, the person waiting with open arms will be...YOU.
“Get ready to welcome yourself home, a place you had not known
until you navigated the toughest breakup of all…the one with yourself”
- Roberta Lettieri -
Breaking up and in turn falling in love with me was more than I expected. It gave me the chance to learn how to say yes without caring what other people think and, saying no also without caring what other people think! lol It taught me that I AM allowed to be me without being apologetic and, that being me is actually the only person I ever want to be. Falling in love with me gave me time to enjoy and in turn crave my own company, creating an internal environment where I did not need anyone or anything to make me happy, I can do that myself! Falling in love with me is something I now do day in and day out, it's a continuous process of forgiveness and understanding towards myself, something I will do for the rest of my days.
I love me…do you love you?
With Kindness,
